BLACK EYES

                                                      I knew her as an acquaintance. I’ve noticed her first even before we started high school, I guess I started understanding things and people around me a different way  that summer or autumn. If anyone would’ve asked me something about her I’d probably mumble something incoherently. Today when I walk by her I’m wondering can she understand, from my look alone, what she meant for me these last 30 years. I guess not. Back then the day when I wouldn’t go out because of school responsibilities, parental prohibitions or just bad weather was rough for me. Only a while later I discovered what I was missing. Of course, you know that moment when eyes meet, something happens and both people look the other way. And after that, the day would already be special. I come back home wih some strange inner peace, I’m warm towards everyone, I actually do what I’m supposed to, without arguing, I start studying. I was walking with my friends behing a group of girls towards the city center. While  everyone else was noisy, caught up in movement and actions, I was silent, observing. It looked to me like I could just outstretch my hand and touch her hair with my fingertips. Those days go past rather fast, like they usually do, and get replaced by different, more difficult ones. Met with difficulties in life in one moment, I lost my compass, not being able to look into the mirror and face my reflection. I fell asleep by an open window, walked in that dream some unknown landscape, terrified. And then those eyes. Out of nowhere, on a slightly elongated face, led me through the dream, speechless. I didn’t want to wake up just so I could look at them. My day started strong, despite the fever and sever cough, I moved with force and kept going. I didn’t say a word to her, and forgot about myself when I started working, responsibilities, my own family and what not…

I was locking my car at the parking lot, when a female spoke to me. ‘Did you just arrive or are you leaving?’ She was pointing at the parking space in front of me.’I uh…yes…no…’ First I dropped my keys, leaned down to picked them up and dropped my phone aswell. Dear God I kept stuttering, fumble with my hands and trying to grab a breath. She’s looking a me concerned with that damn look…That evening I went to bed trying to fall asleep but feeling to ashamed by my own awkwardness to do so. Every now and again, we meet at that parking lot, exchange smiles, and go our separate ways. I still like to go outside, still like to see her. Those black eyes bring me joy.